Creature isn’t a bad film, really, but what is it doing on 1,500 cinema screens in the USA?! I have to concur with another reviewer, who marveled at this particular picture receiving a widespread theatrical release when other, far superior movies—by almost any objective standard—have not. If any movie ever screamed “send me direct-to-DVD,” it would be Creature. And yet, somehow, someone thought it merited exposure in cinemas. Apparently they forgot to tell audiences, though, since the per-screen average was one of the lowest in recorded history, averaging less than six people per showing! (I didn’t contribute to this meager attendance, watching a “screener” DVD instead)
It should be noted that the film slipped into release almost without advertising, has one of the most generic titles ever, and features no “name” stars (not even well-known TV performers or ex-stars, unless you count genre favourite Sid Haig; however, I don’t think Sid’s presence alone would sell many tickets). These factors may go a long way towards explaining Creature’s box-office failure: despite its low budget, it’s not likely to turn a profit on its run in theatres, but may do alright when it goes to video.
So, what about the film itself? Meh, it has good and bad points. Good: a nice man-in-a-suit monster, no CGI trickery for this low-budget effort. The monster strongly resembles the titular creature of The Monster of Piedras Blancas; the costume is effective, although the alligator-man creature is frustratingly reluctant to commit mayhem (at least while he’s on-screen). Sid Haig is another plus, along with his swamp-rat henchmen, who are satisfyingly sweaty, sleazy and loony. The opening scene begins with full-frontal nudity and concludes with some graphic gore, but the early introduction of these exploitation elements actually raises false expectations—several topless scenes appear later, but the gore never really develops.
In fact, this almost looks like a “cut” version: for instance, in one scene psycho cult leader Sid hacks off a young woman’s foot, but this occurs below the frame, so we don’t have any idea of what he’s doing until he later brandishes the severed limb. I’m not sure why Creature—which is rated “R”—would be so squeamish about gore, unless the special effects were so unconvincing that it was deemed better not to show them. (Or perhaps—conspiracy theory here—the theatrical version was deliberately made tame so the forthcoming DVD can be ballyhooed as “the uncut edition!”)
It seems we’ve strayed into the “cons” section already, so let’s pile on! The protagonists—six young people—run the gamut from bland to obnoxiously annoying and stupid. Seriously, after 3 minutes, I couldn’t stand them; after 5 minutes, I hated them. Later on, admittedly, I did mellow out a bit, and was glad the two least-objectionable characters turned out to be the “final girl/guy,” but it was touch-and-go for quite a while. Argh, they are all so generic and yet so horrid.
The script is formulaic and the film ends with a bizarre anti-climactic non-conclusion (when the expected, long-anticipated final life-or-death confrontation between monster and hero takes place off-screen, the audience has a perfect right to demand their money back), then a trite, logically invalid “kicker.”
However, the script, as simplistic and derivative as it is, isn’t wholly to blame. Creature was helmed by TV director Fred Andrews, and either he forgot whatever he learned doing episodic television, or the quality of TV shows has gone downhill quite a bit since my TV-watching days. Creature is confusing, not only overall, but even within sequences and scenes: the laws of space, time, and logic are repeatedly violated. ”Who is that guy?” “where did he/she come from?” “where are they going now?” “what just happened?” Yes, you’ll ask all of those questions and more!
Still, I had no great expectations for Creature, so my disappointment was not great. I wasn’t bored, the film wasn’t amateurishly produced, and it didn’t offend or insult me (on the other hand, I didn’t pay to see it). Yes, I’d have liked more sleaze and cheese (nudity and gory makeup effects, that is), and it would have been a pleasant surprise if the script, direction, and acting had been more than barely competent (credit where credit is due: the photography is rather good). But Creature has no pretensions, it’s “just a horror movie.” It’s not the film’s fault that it was elevated far above its true place in life (inside a DVD case) and had its many, many flaws exposed for all the world to (potentially, if not actually) see, and in 1,500 cinemas across the USA to boot.
Who knows, the brief and record-breakingly-poor theatrical release may have even been a clever marketing ploy to bring notoriety to Creature, which would have otherwise certainly passed unobserved and ignored. ”Now on DVD—the film that no one wanted to buy tickets to see!” Stranger things have happened.
